Friday, June 23, 2006

The Fifth Horsemen

What I am about to tell you is so mad and mind blowing will Blow your mind and make you mad at the same time!

We all know about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse riding their particular coloured horse each with a specific power but recent events have shown the existence of a FIFTH horsemen, yes you heard right a FIFTH horsemen. Through careful study of recent weather patterns, global politics, planetary alignment and E! Entertainment Television, I have uncovered the Fifth horsemen's identity and a possible global celebrity effort to prevent the impending doom.

The Fifth Horsemen's has already arrived and it is just a matter of time before we see its major affects in Hollywood. The Fifth Horseman is non other than Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes baby SURI. Her powers are limitless and the effects were seen before her birth and will continue after, which explains a few odd occurrences in the entertainment world.

  • Paris Hilton becoming a reality TV superstar and now even has a music video.
  • Pearl Harbor (Ben Affleck)
  • Gigli (Jennifer "Huge Ass" Lopez
  • Pink clothes for guys
  • Donald Trump's Hair
  • President Bush

And that’s just for starters I dunno how much more we can take, even the rappers with there enchanted bling will not be safe.

Her parents Tom and Kate for some unconfirmed reason feel it necessary to subject us to their crazy antics and there child. When we tried reaching them for comments we were greeting by a series of high pitched clicks and whistles. Reasons for this might be that Tom is a stark raving lunatic, which was proven by his appearance on Oprah where he assaulted her couch, flung his arms in celebration constantly and almost broke Oprah's hands.

However the Hollywood community has seen the proverbial "writing on the wall" and has decided to fight fire with fire. The Screen Actors Guild have hatched a plan to stop SURI by coming up with there own super kid. They needed to find the too most beautiful and attractive actors and allow them to procreate. After many failed attempts (which resulted in the Osbourne's, Hilton Sisters and kevin federline when chimp DNA was used.), which they have apologized for, they have finally succeeded in BRANGELINA. They chose Brad and Angelina after the couple submitted a video of what they are capable of, this is most commonly known as Mr. and Mr.’s Smith. The Screen Actors Guild ordered Brad and Angelina to travel to the cradle of mankind, Africa, to give birth to "The Answer" to Hollywood’s woes.

The Struggle between Suri and the brangelina baby will be truly epic and the outcome will reverberate throughout the cinematic world....... well except at Samuel. L. Jackson's house because he is one B.M.F and Mexico because nothing really happens there. There are already plans in the pipeline to showcase this battle on E!, as all celebrities get a show on E!

I have fulfilled my duty of informing you about this threat, please spread the word. We need to raise awareness.

It is in the Nature of Man to Create Monsters.......It is the Nature of Monsters to Destroy their Creators

Kuwabara. Kuwabara
The Lone Writer


queen_Lestat said...

Thank You!!! Time's a ticking...rational people the world over unite and fight this scourge.

The K-man said...

Yes it is a scourge against all cinema and entertainment lovers. We must take up the fight :)

Anonymous said...

shiloh's troops?