Sunday, February 04, 2007

Hello darkness, my old friend

Im listening to Simon and Garfunkels "The Sound of Silence" hence the title of this post. Can’t remember when I downloaded it but I am glad I did considering not many people these days even know who they are let alone that they were musicians. It's a really cool song with great lyrics but has absolutely nothing to do with Im about to write and the title doesn’t either. Just thought it had a nice ring to it don’t you think?

Campus starts again for yet another year on the 12th of Feb. So another year of similar trials, tribulations, more white hair and hopefully some new experiences. Well one new experience ill be undergoing is attempting to make a whole lot of new friends. Now im not anti social or a guy who lurks in the shadows and calls himself by a super hero alias, im as friendly as the next guy though a tad bit shy but that’s another kettle of fish.

Making friends is a skill that you first get introduced to in nursery or preschool. Your parents leave you in an unfamiliar place, you surrounded by kids crying their eyes out and small furniture and you expected to make friends with no previous experience and you do somehow. The exact method is variable and I doubt anyone has perfected it because there is so much to take into consideration when attempting to become someone’s friend.

Now fast forward and the method to make friends is still elusive. I have a lot of friends who I met on campus but I have no idea how I got to know them or when did we become such good friends. The transition from strangers to friends was a complete blur, or has been erased from my mind and since we don’t live in the movies I doubt that’s a possibility. I made these friends and then didn’t feel the need to make new friends since i was so comfortable with them. Now for the first time on campus my friends are all finished and im alone on campus. No crew no nothing. So now the task of making friends.

We never really escape that first day in preschool, all nervous and impressionable without a clue as to what we should or shouldn’t be doing and I feel like im right back there. I’m not a loner I do have acquaintances on campus but not friends. Ok so you meet someone greet and smile so it shows you are friendly hmmm but what if they think you being funny or pretentious. So you keep more of a straight face and try to be as truthful as possible without seeming like you are a bleeding heart and suffer from verbal diarrhea. Then you chat about random stuff such as the weather or some similarly obvious topic and always seem to be stating the bleeding obvious, but you know you cant chat about that stuff forever so then you try to bring in something you both have in common be it work, a mutual friend, movies or music (voice in head says "don’t bring up star wars please don’t") etc. However this may end up being boring and the person may think you are a bore of note if your tastes don’t exactly correspond so you turn on the humor. Now the choice is to go with subtle humor, slapstick, making fun of yourself or go with some risqué humor. Any humor should work right? I mean people like it when you funny? No not really you may over do it and they may think that you a complete clown that cant say anything without laughing like a donkey, so then to show you not a fool you start talking about something serious, maybe world news or the state of affairs in the country. Now don’t get carried away just relax. The conversation ends and most of the time you have no idea what you have just said. Got to be an easier way. Ok the above is a slight exaggeration or maybe it isn’t who knows.

Now you can talk yourself blue in the face and be the friendliest person on the planet but if that person or persons won’t let you into their circle of friendship you have no hope. The first impression lasts pops into mind. Now if you trying to impress someone are you really yourself? The first time you meet someone you are generally nervous or cautious at what you say so how can someone judge you? Make a good impression I understand but what if it takes a false impression for it to be a good one? Even if you pull it off can you maintain it? Can you live a lie? Ok this is abit dramatic I know.

Friendship is like any relationship both parties have to work on it. Compromises, respect, and what not. Friendship is not a competition I don’t want to be impressed by my friend or be in awe of his achievements, we should be equal and should not need to compete. Its not hard to make friends but to make the right friends takes abit of searching. The key is being yourself and not changing for anyone or for anything. You will eventually find people like minded and similar to yourself. Your friends should like you for who you are not what you are. So im just going to be myself, plain old K-man, and if I bring up Chewbacca in a conversation so be it that’s me. So my search for new friends to supplement my old ones begins wish me luck!

Kuwabara, Kuwabara
The Lone Writer

22 comments:

SafiUnlimited said...

musician who??? :))

friends are great to hv but u have to be really careful cause there are cunning ppl out there, i had a really nasty expirence with one of my really good frends so just beacreful...

in school its either you make it or break it- you can lots of frends and be called popular or a few friends and be unknown... some ppl naturally make freinds easily while others-like myself- dont really talk to ppl they dont know unless introduced by a mutaul friend and its just being slightly shy... not rude or arrogant or too pride- its just they way someone is...

fida said...

i will be your friend :)

fida

puresoul786@yahoo.com

Fatima said...

If I was on campus with you, I'd stalk you all day. Wohooo. :P

Safi is right, be very careful. I don't know why people tend to seem so nasty nowadays though instead of being friendly.
But a large smile always works...I think I was seen as this nutter that would smile at everyone. Lol.
I would actually do it for fun just to see who would smile back. Lol..but shh...don't tell anyone that.
Lol.

Yes, but I'm really shy at first and then I become this loud person after a while that will talk about absolute nonsense slowly boring the person to death. That's me.

I made a really good friend in an elevator. She was trying some funny tricks (I'm still not sure what) in there and I just grinned at her. So it worked I suppose. Lol.

I love watching kids play and become frinds with others.
My one nephew just runs after children, screaming, "Hello! I'm Hamza!" My other nephew just joins in with no introduction.

Hey it all works out at the end.

And just think, when you start working, it's like school all over again...you have to make friends at work! lol!

(See I'm babbling again)

Priya said...

Friends are angels in disguise...they ought to be.

queen_Lestat said...

don't we all know how you can just make friends in the weeeiiirdest places, at the weirdest times :P

Never fear, you won't be totally alone on campus ;)

SafiUnlimited said...

oh u going back o campus.... hmmm dnt be sad- im in a worst situation than u- all of my friends are in their final yr (3rd), they'll graduate next yr while i got another 3 years to go, eclxd my masters ans intern!!! so while everyone works ill be living off my parents and making friends with the kids that was my prefect class

The K-man said...

Safi: Now now Simon and Garfunkel are legends. Way before our time though. Yaah im definately going to be careful thanks. And im similar people mis understand my shy nature as being rude or arrogant. My friends all working and I have 2 years left so ill be in the same boat all the small kids from my school are at varisty now its so depressing. Im old!

Fida Thanks, ill be you friend to if you will allow me :)

Fatima: It would be honoured to have you stalk me :P and thanks for the advice. And im like that also, shy but than i am very loud. And babble away is fine :)

Priya: I couldnt agree with you more. Though sometimes they devils in disguise

Queen: Hehe tooo true thanks queen :)

bb_aisha said...

Oi-i rem my campus days & makin frnds. On my first day, I knew nobody (well, I was staying with my uncle in my first yr but my cuz went in a differnt lift club that day) so there i am, walkin around by my lonesome.i had just started wearin scarf so kept my head down wen passin guys lol.some guy tried speakin to me, i was just polite (he later said it was like trying to squeeze water out of an ice block.but we then became class frnds)finally my cuz arrived. we went to the jk to read salaah, & we met others.my sis came over from rau & she & her frnds knew the older students, so she intro'd me to them.(incidentally one of them was called buffel cos he loved bob marleys buffalo soldier which mj just blogged about)then the guy i spoke to earlier called me over & intro'd me to his frnds, & one of them gave me a heart-shaped lollipop(it was val day) was mostly with my cuz that first week-everybody was in pairs.then in the 2nd wk,we started groupin together & became one huge clique.some of them thght i was a 2nd yr cos i looked so confident walking by myself that first week. little did they kno i was hardly confident inside.i became known as one of the friendliest girls on campus-used to speak to just about everybody.i was always waving to ppl,& into'in frnds to others.but in 2nd yr, i mellowed & ppl even asked me y i stoppd bein so frndly.i wasnt not frndly-i jst wasnt so ott.
i can rem exactly how i met all my close frnds & how/when we became close. its just a feeling of connection. some ppl u may kno for ages but r not frnds with, no matter how often u see them. others u meet once & instantly become frnds.
i just spoke earlier to my first frnd. we met on the first day of pre-school wen i was in tears & she was ultra-confident.from that day she was my best friend.i was extremely shy as a child & only started openin up wen 13. (altho with my family & frnds i was a blabbermouth) i still hav my show moments (which nobody believes) but 90%of the time, alham, I am confident.when i feel shy, people just think im bein a snob. like fatima, i can also act a bit crazy at times, & i babble on & on & on...
i've been in many situatns where i find myself amongst strangers, & yup, one can only be oneself. i have actually come to love being amongst ppl i dont know, wondering & looking forward to making frnds with at least a few of them.
but its genetic-my dad & his sister cant go anywhere without knowing someone & my brother, elder sister & myself r the same. altho i think my inherited genes r the strongest!
but one has to know how to separate acquaintances from frnds. i know lots of ppl, but theres only a small handful whom i call frnds. i once made the mistake of telling someone i thght of as an acquaintance, but who thght of me as a frnd this, and my word- was he upset!
sorry k-man, i've just babbled on. i know 1st yrs rule campus, but heck- u have the experience. im sure u'll make new frnds & discover new experiences spending this yr on campus.
heres to making new frnds!

saaleha said...

sometimes the best places to meet new people are in the registration queues.

Infinium said...

Making frends isnt that difficult man, if you think its sumthn u gotta work at, then you gravely mistaken ppl, the way you make realy good frends is by letting the other be him/herself. Its not like a mission impossible, you just gotta be friendly, lets be honest mate can you even remember how we became such good frends??? we just let each other be who we are, and the frendship grows from that, its a seed that doesnt need water to grow/TLC, its just something that happens regardless of how much effort you make. Well thats the way i make frends, and it hasnt let me down, k-man you can vouch for that, granted i cant remember their names after a while, but thats jst my extremely bad memory w.r.t recalling names and dates and stuff like that.

so mate just be yourself, and you'll find the new CREW, i'll b waiting to meet them nxt yr if i do return, hehehehe... ;) and hey, you still have us on the weekends, bwahahaha... n dnt forget i'll still come to bug the crap out of you on certain fridays this year, after all i wouldnt be a good frend if i ddnt do that now wud i???

So be warned just when you thought it was safe to send your kiddies bak to campus the Infinium returns... muhahahahaha.....

Laterz peepz!!!!!

r said...

hmmm... i cant say iv ever had a problem making friends. i have the ability to not shut up. ever. think that helps to break the ice. LoL. my brother just started grade 1 and i was quizzing him last week about school..

me: so hunny, did u have fun?

him: yup, i played and went on the jungle gym and played soccer!

me: aw thats so nice, did u make friends?

him: yah, ther was that boy who had a funny haircut and this other boy who was in azhar's preschool and the other boy who brought the soccer ball!

me: so umm.. whats their names?

him: how am i supposed to know?? (accompanied by a "my big sister is so dof" look)

Salma El-sherbiny said...

hey mohamed :),Well in ma side i used to smile to most of the collegues( girls ;) ) who r in the same year in ma college and greet them too and sometimes chat a lil with some of them, coz of two reasons: the first is that i believe it's our duty towards our collegues and i don't find it means that clearly that you wanna be close friends with 'em. Now i'm having my own group of close friends and el hamdulelah gained respect and love from my collegues. The second imporatnt reason is the Prophet Mohamed's hadith which says:
“Smiling in the face of your brother is charity".
Keep on smiling mohamed and try to make conversation with those who you think seem to be 'good' guys like being famouse for their good morals and character, and i think it'll be much more better if it was about something you 'both' share it, like talkin about the subjects you 'both' study and don't talk much more than him( give him time to talk) and try to repeat callin him with his name while talkin coz the dearest thing to the ones is his name.
Ofcourse be carefull while searching, don't rush,just slow down coz friends must be chosen really carefully.
I truley hope for you to find those good friends you deserve someday inshaa'allah :)

The K-man said...

BB- Aisha: Thanks for that and appreciated the babbling lol , feel free to do it again hehe. That Buffel guy did he have like a really gruff voice and glasses?

Saal: Registration queues are great and a way to pass the time in wits's mega queues

Infinium: What the hell is "the infinium returns" and safe for kiddies what the hell that doesnt sound good like a pedophille!/. Dude you worrying me! hehe

Salma: Thanks ill definately up my amount of smiling hehe thanks

queen_Lestat said...

"So be warned just when you thought it was safe to send your kiddies bak to campus the Infinium returns... muhahahahaha....."

TOooooooooooo much Michael Jackson for you infi...you're turning into a peado :P

And as of this year, first years are that young compared to us. Too young for drivers licences= too young for ...

;)

Infinium said...

lol... i knew what i was typing, even considered going back and editing it, but then sed naah, im too tired to do that, and just posted it, hoping that the perversion that is inherently a part of the human psyche for people older then 6yrs would not come through, yet i seem to have been dissapointed, aaaahhh well cest la vie...

Age is but a number... remember there are people who get married and there are age gaps of 15-20 yrs between them... so just rem. what if your special some1 is 6yrs younger then you??? what you gonna do?? say forget about it? you might, but then you might just end up living life as a singleton, for we know what is best for us except the Lord... my final words on these matters...

And yes i know i went off-topic and for that i ask for your forgiveness... :)

Bye Bye...

Infinium said...

damn it i forgot a "not" in the following line:

"for we know what is best for us except the Lord"

it should read:

"for we know NOT what is best for us except the Lord"

Lady said...

Do u rem when they gave out Fugly name tags u had to hang around ur neck or keep on your desk in grade one? Well, The other kids didn't even know how to read but still became ur friend :) if all else fails, bribe them with sweets :)

The K-man said...

HAhahaha i do remember those name tags. Hated them really did. This sweetd idea could work, i should definately try it hehe thanks :)

M Junaid said...

Friends!! What the fuck are those?

almira said...

"Friendship is like any relationship both parties have to work on it."\

Couldnt agree more with you on that brother, good post!

Anonymous said...

ye, i get that.:)

come give us final years a shout down by law school,im sure you'll recognise us!

Z

The K-man said...

MjunaID: I share those sentiments sometimes.

Almira: Definately agree both parties have to be wiling to give and take. Thanks glad you liked the post

Z: Thanks man I am doing one final year course so ill probably be in a class with you. But ill gve you a shout